Things that make me laugh

Do not agree with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 The last thing I want to do is hurt you.  But you're still on the list.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not sure.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.